After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

A novel is a piece of prose of a certain length with something wrong with it.

In every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Socrates seems to be the philosophical napkin with which the ensuing cultural thinkers of history wipe their mouths of pedantic ooze.

Any new venture goes through the following stages: enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and decoration of those who did nothing.

Adolescence is the stage between infancy and adultery.

How to win a case in court: If the law is on your side, pound on the law; if the facts are on your side, pound on the facts; if neither is on your side, pound on the table.

Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.

It is twice as hard to crush a half-truth as a whole lie.

Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Take only pictures, steal only time, leave only footprints.

Women remember the first kiss, men remember the last.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

A chinese philosopher once had a dream that he was a butterfly. From that day on, he was never quite certain that he was not a butterfly, dreaming that he was a man.

If debugging is the art of removing bugs, then programming must be the art of inserting them.

Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.

I always knew i would look back on my tears and laugh but i never tought i would look back on the laughter and cry

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.