Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Virtue has never been as respectable as money.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.
A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. (Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.)
