H. L. Mencken
I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, thehelpless, the miserable. They find not only sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters.
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.
College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students - there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks.
Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
The worshiper is the father of the gods.
Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them.
Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.
We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
No normal man ever fell in love after thirty when the kidneys begin to disintegrate.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.
Love: The delusion that one woman differs from another.
The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
